Friday, February 4, 2011

Letter to a friend

Dear Kris,

I want to make sure I say all the things I want to say to you before you're gone.  It's scary to actually write that you're going to be gone.  Nobody likes to say it out loud.  Or...write it, as the case is here.  We think by saying it, we'll make it true.  I know you and your family have tried so hard to stay positive throughout this whole thing but after a while you did start to admit that it was a possibility things wouldn't work out.  Somehow you still managed to keep most of your positive energy even after that realization.  I can't say enough how much you have amazed me and impressed me since you got diagnosed.

Well, it really started way before that, actually.  I'm sure everyone who knows you thinks that way.  You have been impressing people your entire life, from the comments I've read on your blog.  As for me, I just want to let you know how much you truly have meant to me.  I know I'm not one of the most important people in your life - I'm not a family member or a really close friend - but you have left a mark on me.

You were my favorite person to work with at Fraser.  I loved that you also thought that we had a connection and we just naturally understood each other.  So often I feel like I have those feelings toward someone and they're not reciprocated (or at least verbalized).  It felt so good every time you said we were in sync.  I've never really had a supervisor-type person take me under their wing the way you did, and support me the way you did.  You understood and supported me at a place where I didn't always feel understood or supported by other people, and I didn't always fit very well into the job I had.  You let me know that I had value when I wasn't sure I did.

You helped me grow up and trust myself more.  I became more confident in my work because of your reassurance.  It hasn't often been my experience that someone I think is super cool, someone I look up to and admire, also thinks I'm cool and wants to talk to me or spend time with me.  You make everyone around you feel good with the way you talk to them, your energy, positivity, determination, wisdom and caring.  No wonder so many people read your blog or have reached out to help you and your family.

It sucks that this is happening to you.  It seems like it always happens to the most wrong people.  It's never someone people think is a jerk, it's always the most wonderful people with the most to live for.  Or maybe those are just the ones we remember because it sticks out as such an awful contrast - for this horrible thing to happen to someone so great. 

I wish I could be there right now to at least come see you but I just happened to buy a plane ticket to MN last night for April 17th.  It'd be great if I could see you then but I also don't want you to spend a lot of time in horrible pain.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

I mostly just wanted to make sure I at least tried to find the words to say what an impression you've made on me, and that I'm going to miss you.  You'll never be forgotten.  If we get to talk again that'll be great but I wanted to make sure I got this all said, just in case.  I can't believe this is actually happening and I'm trying to wrap my brain around it but it's really hard.  I can't imagine what it's like for you and your family.

I'm very grateful I have gotten to count you as a friend, and know you count me as one too.

Love always,

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